The death of James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, has reignited debate over his influence on American evangelical households. While Dobson’s teachings once promised stronger families, many who grew up under his guidance now say those methods fractured their homes and left lasting scars.
Amber Cantorna-Wylde, daughter of former Focus on the Family executive Dave Arnold, recalls being placed at the center of evangelical ideals in the 1990s. At age 13, she received a silver purity ring in a public ceremony, a ritual meant to symbolize chastity until marriage. But after coming out as gay years later, she says her parents cut ties a rejection she attributes directly to Dobson’s endorsed parenting framework.
Dobson rose to prominence in 1970 with his book Dare to Discipline, advocating corporal punishment as early as 15 months of age. By the late 1970s, through The Strong-Willed Child and his Focus on the Family broadcasts, Dobson became a household name in evangelical circles. His advice, centered on authority, obedience, and traditional gender roles, influenced millions of parents and extended into political activism against abortion and LGBTQ+ rights.
Critics argue that these teachings encouraged authoritarian parenting, suppressing individuality and fostering estrangement. “To disobey or set boundaries became associated with pain,” therapist Krispin Mayfield told Religion News Service, warning that this approach stunted children’s autonomy well into adulthood.
Not all families interpreted Dobson’s advice strictly. Some say his books offered balance or tempered harsher disciplinary traditions. Yet for others, the impact was severe. Cait West, author of Rift, described her upbringing as a “radicalization” shaped by Dobson’s ideas and later extended by more extreme movements like Vision Forum.
Estrangement has become a recurring theme among those raised under Dobson’s influence. A 2019 Cornell University study found that 27 percent of Americans are estranged from a relative. Experts note the trend is particularly visible among adult children of evangelical households. “Estrangement is the outcome of coercive parenting that fails to honor children’s individuality,” said Lauren Smallcomb, whose forthcoming memoir Golden Child details her experience.
Even Focus on the Family has acknowledged the problem. Its counseling services regularly field calls from parents grappling with fractured relationships. In 2022, the organization launched resources encouraging parents to respect boundaries and pursue reconciliation with adult children.
For Cantorna-Wylde and many others, however, the damage has already been done. What was intended as a formula for family strength, they say, often became the very cause of division.
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